I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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