I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
