His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
