Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
