I hope mine doesn't look like that
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
