i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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