You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
