i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
