She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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