You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
