3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I look better un-naked...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
