New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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