I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
