Pants 0. Shit 1.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
