By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
