yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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