Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We need to get me chipped asap
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
