Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
