there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
