I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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