So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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