I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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