did you get engaged???
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This is the high leading the old right now
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize