Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
