Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
