I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
