Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
