I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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