So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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