She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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