Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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