Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
