ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
