I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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