The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Walk of Shame today included voting.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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