is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
