that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
