Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
