No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
