There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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