i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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