wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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