she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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