My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
