Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
