I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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