Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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