Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
