This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
