I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
